It's Me Birthday
That's right, it's me Birthday. I do feel like going with 'its me' means I should have spelt it 'Birffday'.
Wow, 33. I think... yer, 33. It's a strange one. I feel, ok. Maybe even good. In fact, yer, I feel good.
I had a lay in till 8.45am, then a 40 minute shower. While I have had a 20 minute period of podcasts, it's pretty much been in silence this morning. Something I usually avoid because I often fall into a depressive mindset. However this morning (while there's been moments of sadness) I have had some lovely thoughts and feelings, and that's been nice.
I have reflected on the progress with my depressive symptoms, I have been excited about the upcoming Mental Health Blog Awards, and I have been pleased with my efforts on the 500k in 2019 challenge. Most of all I have reflected on my relationship with Laura.
I still have the worries, but they are less frequent and much less intense. Our conversations, understanding and love have grown so much, and in a way I did not expect or know I would be capable of. I share and trust her in a way I have never before.
Part of this morning I have spent thinking about our future and how delighted I am to have her in my life and how I hope to be able to bring her as much joy as she brings to me. I have been/ am damm excited for our future.
I have reminisced on the day in London, when we attended Red Hair Festival, and I asked Laura to be my girlfriend. That was a good day.
Soon, all being well, we will be moving in together and starting to create our own home. And I am well excited for that.
33... 4 or so years ago I honestly wouldn't have thought I would still be here. Life seemed unliveable. In that time I have had some invaluable support, conversations and relationships. Many of those relationships have changed over that last year or two, and we no longer talk as we once did. Hopefully in the future we will reconnect, but it's also important to realise we are all on our own journeys. Maybe that was our time and if so, I am grateful for that, and for you all.
I don't want to take on too many things, but there are 2 that I hope to incorporate in the second half of 2019.
As mentioned in a couple of previous posts, I would like to try coming off medication later this year. Maybe it won't work, but I'd like to try.
Number two, is listening to more music and breaking up my screen time. That said, I've just got back on Netflix, so there's lots to watch (I've been off for 7 months).
For the rest of today I'm likely to be enjoyed junk food, so look out for the next gym photo. It'll be a struggle haha. Then this afternoon I'm seeing Laura, yay. I have told her it's not a birthday dinner day. It's just a Saturday. Her understanding is amazing.
For now, stay safe and know recovery is a journey. It's different for everyone. But importantly, it's possible for everyone too.