Going back to work has been such a mixed few days. It has been great to get back into the routine of getting up in the morning and getting out of bed within 20 minutes. I did have a practice go on Monday morning with a morning run. It was a good excuse to get up for the run on Monday, as I hadn't run for about 3 weeks. So it was good to get up and out. My sleep is still a bit out of sync, I am so tired at 2pm but also can't sleep and I'm not tired when I get into bed. This means that Im not drifting off till quite late and then getting up at 6.45am.
I am still getting a few headaches, though they are not quite as bad as last week. I think its getting that balance on the Mac, phone etc. Making sure that I'm not looking at a screen all day. Part of my plan is to not look at my phone for most of my lunch hour. That will be hard! I am so used to looking on twitter and instragram and playing PokemonGo. But actually resting my eyes and my head to some extent is probably a good idea. I do wonder whether this is part of my self distraction tactics, by constantly having something to listen to or read. So I'm not left with the thoughts in my own head.
Furthermore for me its about making the most of the time out of the office and being outside. Actually enjoying the walk, most of the time I am wondering around on my usual path or kind of rushing around because its cold. Possibly dropping into the shopping centre to walk through a shop or two.
I have already had a bit of a tidy up around my desk the clutter was really annoying me. But there are quite a few things I have to store for events, activities and for reference, so I can't just throw it all away. I was fairly lucky that a colleague had rearranged their office and was getting rid of a cupboard, so I nabbed that which has helped to tidy all... ok so some of the stuff around my desk.
I have survived those awkward how was your Christmas / break, with errr...it was ok. Which I guess it was, I'm just still not going to sit there and tell you about all the self hating and self loathing that I have done. However I have started to open up to two people at work a little, which I guess is good. I still have a big divide in my mind between work and home life. Talking about my personal life at work seems strange and often makes me feel uncomfortable. I think this is for a few reasons. But particularly for me having worked with children and young people I am very aware of keeping your 'private' or 'personal' life separate from work, especially from the young people you work with.
In addition to this I think it may be part of my self diagnosed BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) where I struggle to interact and communicate at a certain level. By avoiding personal information, experiences and thoughts I protect myself from those conversations and situations. This could be seen as a good thing in managing myself, or it could be bad in that I am not challenging my struggles or trying to 'improve' myself. I mean I have been at my currently place of work for 15 months and only three people know I have been married and I have only talked to two about my blog and podcast. Im sure a couple of other people maybe aware but we have not specifically sat down and talked about it. That is really only because I wanted a couple more votes for the UK Blog Awards in December haha.
I guess its not a requirement that I do share, but I think someone else would recommend that I talk to more people. Or is that me just overthinking?
Here is an example of my overthinking in the car this morning. I knew this was wrong and maybe silly but, I had it in my mind that in a usual week Wednesday lunch time is midway through the week. So why when its a shorter week to I have to get further to be half way? As this week I was midway through the week at the end of Wednesday. How does that work, I have to get further? I know, I know, I have not worked the Monday so theres the day less. But its the double sided way my mind approaches most things. Its looking for the good and the bad, and working out how the bad happens. Is that right? Overthinking?
In other work news, half of the parking at work is about to go due to construction work. As such I basically will not be able to park on site. There will be a temporary park and ride service until the summer when the construction finishes. Im not sure how often or what the size is of the buses for the park and ride so (I'm my usual thinking style) I have decided I will have to walk from the car park to work, which will take around 20 minutes. Thats 20 extra minutes in the morning and 20 minutes after work, 40 minutes, well thats almost an hour. So I will be spending an hour more at work essentially. Thats not cool! This is my thinking process. When I suppose, potentially it could all be fine I guess... But I doubt it.
There are already a lot of tasks that need to be done and thought about which is kind of good, its about keeping that balance and making sure I can switch off when I finish work. Maybe a walk to the park and ride will help with that. I have found that having my one thing like the podcast and this blog to think about helps switch off from work. It maybe helped by my internal thought process, I am not sitting back and relaxing as such (with my thoughts and all), I have something to think about and work on.
On that note I would like to congratulate all those that have made it as finalists in the #UKBA17 (UK Blog Awards 2017). Particularly my first ever podcast guest Kay (@kay_ska) who has made the list! It is so amazing to see someone that is a really good friend do well. Yes, sure we have never met, but I KNOW Kay is awesome! I am so proud of her and her reaction to being on the list was great. Please do go and check Kay's site too.
I hope you have had an... enjoyable... return to work this week. I believe people in Scotland had an extra days holiday. Im not too sure why that is. I have started to avoid googling things and actually asking people. I am much more likely to remember then plus you surely can't always rely on google. So if you know let me know on twitter.
As I mentioned on this weeks podcast I will be trying to keep to a weekly schedule, with podcasts uploading Monday evening and blog posts Thursday evenings. Additional YouTube videos will remain sporadic, but hopefully more often.
Some of the upcoming blog posts will be product reviews in keeping with the lifestyle posts I will now be incorporating into the blog. I would also like to add in a few different topics as my blog grows. We will see where we go and what happens.
With that in mind if you have any ideas on content you would like to see please let me know on twitter or through the contact page on mikesopenjournal.com.
Thank you for reading
YNA