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  • Writer's pictureMike Douglas

Motivation and enthusiasm are low

Its been awhile...again. I have been finding writing more easy to put off, or rather less enthusiasm about doing it lately. I have started to think about doing a podcast as that (in my mind) could be done more ad hoc, or could even be organised if I was doing it with other people.

I think for me as well. I have found myself listening to podcasts much more than I read blogs. So it is kind of matching up with what I'm interested in.

Medication-wise I am still on the 40mg of citalopram, and should be having a medication review soon. Though I'm currently midway through a six week wait for my appointment with the GP. So I will have been taking this new dosage for around 12-13 weeks when I have my review. When I believe this is meant to happen after four weeks.

I think for me the medication and dosage has worked well. While they do still happen, my negative thoughts as less frequent and less intense. However I have had multiple occasions where I start to have uncontrollable twitching in my right hand. Sometimes I have been able to gradually stop it quickly. Other times I kind of have to fight through it and it can last up to 7-8 minutes (I'm guessing here). I have been restrained by the person I'm with twice because I can't control the twitching and it starts to lead to more. Including being emotional and struggling to get free. Even starting to struggle to not hit myself.

I am not sure if this is the medication, I don't really think it is. Or whether it is related to a situation or conversation I am having at that time. I have been told that it can start when I talk about the future, which makes sense to me. The last time it started (I controlled it quickly because I knew it was coming) was watching a film where there was a line 'please help me' as a character fights for their consciousness and their mind (X Men Apocalypse) that gave me flashbacks to New Year and being out of control. So again this makes sense to me. I think because I have been able to make some sense of these twitching fits I feel much more relaxed about them. It's still a concern and very draining (I'm always very tired after), but I have been able to make sense of them so far and I have found comfort in that.

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