Tiredness & Frustration
Tiredness and frustration can come from seemingly nowhere. Last night after a normal days work I got very worked up and just went to bed, before 7pm. It felt like it was from nowhere, but I guess that’s not true.
At work there’s lots going on, but that’s been a constant now for over a year. Sometimes I’m good at giving myself time during the day or in the evening as a break from work, tasks and screens. But that self awareness hasn’t been in action as much recently.
At home there’s been a number of things to sort, issues with our gas supplier, wanting to order new sofas, but needing to wait until the carpet has been fitted, which needs to be booked. Looking at kitchen changes is slow going and now there’s more potential work and actions needed to sort out the kitchen floor (which is in a bad way).
Plus lovely Millie (the cat) has been gone for three weeks now. She occasionally goes off for a week or two, but this is now the second or third longest she’s been gone for.
Christmas is coming, not immediately, but it’s coming. This year I’m feeling more pressure to be happy and positive, I think because in general I have been more happy.
Maybe this is my self sabotaging brain; who knows. But it’s feeling a bit agh!
** I was too tired to sort my own photos, so thanks Wix for the photos**
Maybe there is a few things going on, now I think about it. I guess last night just felt so demoralising. I’d finished work, had about 30 minutes checking socials and replying to emails, then started making dinner. Then when I sat down with Laura to eat she asked “where’s the pasta?” That’s right I’d made meatballs and sauce, forgetting the pasta. I had not even realised. I was so caught up in task task task brain I hadn’t stopped to look and think about what we where having.
This annoyed me, quite a lot. Firstly because I thought I’d done the ‘task’ right and as agreed. So I’d failed the task. Secondly because I’d disappointed Laura; she said it was fine but I couldn’t accept that. Thirdly because I would have liked some pasta. Fourthly I ended up dropping a very small bit of sauce on the table. All in, I was quite wound up, frustrated annoyed and sad.
While not always the best course of action, I just wanted to go to bed and end the day.
However reflecting back, I went to bed put headphones in listened to a couple of podcasts and went to sleep within an hour, with Marmalade sitting down the foot end of the bed. The no screens and initial rage sleep attempt turned into being restful and provided some time to almost just shut down.
That time away from thinking about tasks and getting all these things done was much needed. I think I find these personal/ home tasks that take time and involve other people/ services really difficult and frustrating. So having some time off is helpful.
Last year I’d try to walk after work 2-4 times a week. Even if it was just for 15 minutes, this helped to break my work day and the whole being at home all day and in the evening. This is something I haven’t done for months and maybe this is the realisation I need to do something like that again.
Taking a break, or just breaking your routine to reflect on it, and evaluate if it’s really working for you is an important thing to do every so often.