That was July

On reflection, what a July!

July is usally a tricky month for me, with dates and occasions throughout the month. Including my birthday. Add in the reflections of this birthday being number 40. It’s also the lead up to Henry’s birthday, which we still have birth trauma reflections of. Plus I had my first (second and third) dentist appointment for 10-12 years! So there’s just a lot going on.

With this, and more, happening… it’s been a lot. My ‘process’ is usually to try as best as possible to just keep carrying on.

While there's time, financial and life pressures that do hinder my ability to make time, stop and deal with these situations/ struggles. They may also be helpful excuses to ignore what’s happening. Both are likely true, and have fed into why I have not previously made working on these issues, rather than just accepting them, a priority.

I thought these mental issues and struggles were manageable, tricky and tiring though they maybe. Then at the end of July I had my most recent episode, which resulted in Laura having to call 111 and then Paramedics. Over (I think) a 2-3 hour period I was very non responsive. I was always conscious and aware of what was happening, just unable to respond. Eventually I came round and completed the monitoring with Paramedics, who advised follow up testing, which could be done via GP and Pharmacist rather than needing to wait in A&E.

Those health checks happened over the following 3-4 weeks, with two blood tests, a second ECG, a health checkup and a 24 hour period of blood pressure monitoring. The information from all of these health checks indicated high blood pressure, but just. Which meant this was not significant enough on its own to be a cause of the issues I was experiencing.

I have since had two conversations with the GP about my physical and mental health overlapping, and discussed in more detail my mental wellbeing. From those consultations the GP has now identified my episodes, which I’ve always thought of as a kind of worry/ depression version of a panic attack type situation, as depersonalisation dissociative disorder. Which is likely triggered when I’m overloaded with worry/ anxiety. While I work hard on managing my depression, there are underlying issues that are not resolved, which are likely causing these dissociative episodes. The GP and I both also considered if ADHD may be something that’s affecting me and my overthinking/ overloading. While the GP and myself see links in thinking and behaviour, I'm not sure. So we are going to work on finding out more.

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Following on from these discussions the GP has recommended talking therapy; (under the NHS) this would be delivered in groups. Which having benefited from this before, I feel would not be hugely beneficial for me currently. But I do acknowledge I need to talk to someone. So I’ve started the journey of looking for a Counsellor. As an over thinker, there’s a lot to overthink once you start looking at Counsellors. But I’ve found 3 or 4 that support the things I’d like to and or need to talk about, and have relevant qualifications, experience and a website. I’m contacting them at the moment and will hopefully get started in the autumn.

I’ve found an ADHD assessor and requested that via my GP, so again hopefully there’s an update on that in autumn, even if it’s just a timeline. It would be really helpful to know if this is something playing a part in the way my mind works.

It’s been hard to focus and prioritise on this existing, but newly informed, part of my general and mental health. While I don't really have answers as such, the extra information I've gained over the last month or so has been really helpful in better understanding my mind and how best to support it.

It's been a difficult summer with a lot happening, and more than plently to think about and process. I do feel positive that I now have a little more information to support managing my health and wellbeing, and hopefully over the autumn I can take those extra steps to start that next mental health journey.

So, here’s to season six of therapy. If this one works well, I think it'll be longer.

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