Hello Winter

I'll spare you the usual "I cant believe it's December already", although does it count if I've still mentioned it? It's winter time and Spotify, YouTube and the rest are sharing my wrapped 2025 views/ listens, which has made me think; what has this year been? It's hard to reflect on everything at once, but certain themes come to the forefront.

*Content warning: mention of panic attacks and depression

The Privilege

It's been another whole year of living. Another year of love and connection with my two most favourite humans. Being around them and feeling their love has been wonderful and truly a privilege everyday. Yes, there's been emotional moments, crying, a sprinkle of sleepless nights, and for us adults moments of relived trauma. Even with that, it's been a privilege to have another year of life, and to have this version of life has been wonderful.

The Burnouts

Over the last 18 months theres been additional work and home needs that have feed into my 'just keep going' attitude. Which I know isn't healthy, and yet I still do it. In my defence it really has felt needed this year. Slowing down in the moment, on the other hand, is something I think I have gotten better at. That has potentially been offset by the additional needs that have been around me, so its more a gradual and consistent need. Working and trying to be productive, or as Thomas the Tank Engine would say being "really useful", is something I need to rebalance. This year I've had panic attacks, eye twitching, skin picking and moments when my mind races down the dark, depression and worry hole, with specific worries about death and loss. I have found over the last year, these intrusive worries are usually, though not always, a sign that I'm not doing well and not appropriately managing my own wellbeing and coping strategies. So a win for learning about myself... I guess?

The Moving

After trying last year where we had lots of viewings but no offers, while also looking at a lot of houses too. This year we changed our estate agent and after just three weeks had not just one offer, but three! Two of those being our asking price. Our onward move was quick too. We only looked at 5 houses (this year). Last year's viewings helped us feel very informed on what was available locally in our search criteria. The first house we saw was my favourite, until we walked through the door. The second house we viewed, actually just 10 doors up, was a bit of a surprise. Lots of potental. And after some negotiating, that's where we are now! We did, and still do, have plans, but very quickly we realised actually just as it is, it's already a big step up on what we had before. So we are very happy. While gradually working our way through house jobs and trying to make the most of the initial 'moving in motivation'.

The Moving In Unsettledness

Part of moving in has meant a reallocation of spaces. At the moment I dont have a working space, something I've lost since moving. We are working on it and hopefully I'll have a space to sit at (that isn't the dinner table or sofa) in February; and maybe podcasting will be possible again once that's setup. We are also considering converting space(s) like the garage, so are reviewing our furniture and utilities, and what's really needed and where it'll go if we make our planned changes.

Our first 3 weeks here were also filled with electrical and lighting work, so it has very much been a gradual settling in process. While we both managed our wellbeing through this process, it was an additional unsettled period.

The Overthinking

Moving was definitely the hard part because we were so reliant on other people (Estate Agents, Solicitors, Movers, Mortage Advisers, etc), but I felt somewhat prepared for that part. This part, of being in the house (yay!) and considering which jobs are the priority has been alot. What and how to do each idea or job, what is a suitable cost and budget for the idea/ job? Some of this experience I have found enjoyable, but the level of overthinking and responsibility I feel for these tasks, is definitely disproportionate to what's helpful.

The Running

O gosh, running has been wonderful. I've enjoyed most of it and been very proud with what I've achieved. The getting up on Sundays between 4.00am and 4.20am for a 4.45am to 5am start is not actually too bad in the morning, and once I've started running it's fine. It's the night before; feeling tired at the thought of getting up, the pressure to make sure I don't sleep through the alarm, because I need to be up and out if I want to have time to run the distances I'm running before Laura goes to Church and I need to be back for Henry. The Saturday Nights are more of what's been affected for me. Plus I'm not sure Laura thrilled with Saturday becoming a pasta dinner, every Saturday!

On the odd occasion when I could go to the gym later, because Laura either isn't at church, or Henry is able to go, I've realised I have set a routine, and changing that isn't something that's very appealing. So even on those days I'm still out before 5.30am.

My final run of the year will likely be the last Sunday of the year, after that I think I'll reflect a little more on running specifically, given I'll know then if I completed my final challenge.

Marmalade

Just before we moved Marmalade was suddenly unwell, we took him to the vets and there wasn't anything they could do. Losing Marmalade was really hard, he saved my life when I was in one of my darkest moments and this felt like somehow I'd failed to save him. Laura helped me to reflect on the life I/ we had given Marmalade and the joyousness he'd had. We also contemplated the additional stress he would have had, had he lived another two or three weeks and had to go through the moving experience with us. Miss you little buddy.

Henry

What a super special little dude he is. He continues to delight with his good nature, beautiful smile and captivating laugh. I'm so very proud of him.

I'm also proud we have facilitated a strong love for books, reading and music (the music remains very specific though, see my wrapped highlights!). We regularly receive positive feedback from nursery on Henry's progress, achievements, general manner and social behaviours; which is lovely.

Christmas

I am noticing I feel less pressure around Christmas, and that's leaving some space for joy to enter. Last year was the best Christmas in a long time; being in a better safer place with my mental wellbeing, having less stress around our actual day and I think just a multitude of things being more balanced created that space. Having had that experince has helped this year, one in that I/ we've had that experience, and two it's an experince we are going to predominately replicate. It has been nice to be able to feel some of that festive joy.

There's still some of the depressive mindset there, and those stressors dont just disapear; but they are better managed. Creating this space for some joy (feeling like I might break into 'Surface Pressure' from Encanto). I am pleased and proud of this not just for my own wellbeing, but because I want to make the festive period as positive as possible for Henry, and not pass on the worries, depressive mindset and anxieties around the festive period. That means making sure I keep up my coping strategies, practising self care, breathing and creating space for all of us to experience joy.

What's Next?

There is definitely more to this year, but those are the things that come to mind, when reflecting on this year. It has been more of a survival year, with a lot of the different aspects of our lives being pushed to the limit. While, along the way we have and are making changes to hopefully reduce that pressure in the future. As I think of next year, I'm firstly apprehensive, of what might come next. But if I stop, sit up straight, take a big breath in, pause, then think. I am optimistic. I'm optimistic our changes continue and have a positive impact on us, as we continue to build a solid foundation for our family. Solid foundations, provide capacity for flexibility, for adjustment and support for the moments when it feels like there's a storm.

In terms of wellbeing, while I have loved the running this year, next year I want to mix it up. I looking for a mixture more similar to my 2024 fitness activities, with some online classes and mixed movement. I'm also going to attempt to add in more reading to my 'down time'. I'm thinking something modest in terms of a target, maybe read five books in 2026. I dont want it to be too much of an actual challenge, more just a prompt. I think a target of five hits that spot. I also would like to get that 'home workspace' sorted, I have realised quite how much I benefit from having a set space, to do focused work and reflection.

It feels a little light on targets and clear goals for 2026. I think, part of that is wanting to finish the started projects we already have at home. Also the realisation of quite how demanding this years been, leaves me wanting to be kinder to myself in 2026 and giving some flexibility to try new things, keep slowing down. And to do more if there's capacity to at the time. Less targets feel kinder, there's breathing space, and right now, that sounds good.

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Blogger's note: This post does not include sponsored content. None of the services, projects, campaigns or charities mentioned have seen this post before it is published, nor have they instructed me on what to say. The views, experiences, thoughts and insights expressed in this post are my own. The links included are direct web links and are not affiliate links.

Additional links and signposting:

• Samaritans - Listening service

• Anxiety UK - Anxiety and Stress 

• Local Minds - Find your local Mind (mental health service) 

• Mental Health UK - Burnout 

• Mind - Self Care for depression

• NHS - Low Mood: Tips for support 

• Stress Management Society - From distress to de-stress