After one (or maybe 28) too many headaches I let Laura talk me into going to the opticians, and it turns out I would apparently benefit from glasses.
I definitely have found two things most striking during this experience. Firstly, I am still very adverse to needing or relying on anything. My desire to be self sufficient and to be able to go without is still very deeply rooted. Even just the thought of having glasses was/ is something I automatically turn away from because I perceive it as a vulnerability for me. It may seem silly but for me I think having had experiences where things were suddenly taken from me, you/ I developed a strong desire to not rely on people or things. And having glasses very much feels like I have a need or reliance on something.
Secondly, again realising how much I do struggle with self worth. The idea of taking time or being worthy of care is something I push away. I feel uncomfortable with that and so will often use humour or conversation to deflect from my incapability to acknowledge or accept I have value.
Fortunately, I have the super special Laura to help me in those moments. To reflect, reassure, encourage and support me; to see and (attempt to) acknowledge I am worthy, I have value and that I am loved and cared for.
Following my consultation I was informed I would benefit from glasses during focused time/ tasks. Such as using or working on laptops/ screens, mobiles, tablets, reading or writing and watching tv.
I’m one week in and getting used to wearing them. I’m not quite there with identifying myself as a glasses wearer yet. But I have seen the benefit of wearing them both in terms of better vision and less headaches. So annoyingly, I think they work and I do need them. I’ll see how the next few months go and if or how my usage changes.