This last weekend, probably the last week, I’ve felt a bit flat. There’s been so many days, evenings and weekends that are basically the same.
Even the times when there’s a slight difference I feel like I’m missing some of the joy from that moment because I’m so focused on there being nothing else.
That slight difference though. I mean, I don’t think I would have even noticed it before. "Today we went outside", or "today I chatted to a friend". ‘Before’ that would have been most days. But now, woosh, it's like that is a stand out moment of the day. Life is just so... repetitive right now.
There’s good stuff happening for sure and there’s definitely hope for more positive change. It’s just right now; right now I’m feeling flat. I’m worn out, I’m tired, I’m bored and frustrated.
Last week I had my first session with a physio for the ongoing (it’s been like 4 months now) knee pain. Seeing the physio blew my mind. Leaving the house to see another person, driving somewhere other than work or the supermarket, being in a room with another person. It was weird, but also a lovely reminder of life ‘before’.
I feel hopeful April will be a time we start to see the world open up again. I’m sure covid will remain an issue for most of 2021 and into early 2022. But hopefully it’s a minor thing after this spring.
Getting used to crowds and going outside, just because, will take time. But it’s something that hopefully comes soon. Right now I’m glad it’s not fear I’m experiencing and I’m super lucky to have the support of the amazing Laura.
I don’t know if I’m ready for spring/ summer and the wholesale changes that that will bring (I kinda do know, I definitely am not ready, haha). But I do know, right now; I’m just tired, bored, frustrated, restless and looking for the road forward...