Sex: yes, yes, yes
This week is Sexual Health Week. Lets talk sex!
This week led by the FPA (Family Planning Association) a registered charity, Sexual Health Week will be focusing on 'Consent: yes, yes, yes'. Previous years topics/ themes have included 'Lets talk porn', 'Sexually transmitted infections' and 'The pleasure principal'.
The FPA are a sexual health charity who give straightforward information and support on sexual health, sex and relationships to everyone in the UK.
This years theme, Consent: Yes, yes, yes! involves talking about how consent is about more than saying ‘No’ to unwanted activity. It’s about listening, negotiating, and enthusiastically agreeing.
There is so much fun to be had with sex, whether thats on your own, with a partner or a group, so it is essential that any sex is safe and consensual. For everyone involved.
Who remembers their sex ed at school? Did anyone do more than stick a condom on a banana? I mean... I think it was actually a banana, we even have a demonstrator!
I know at my school, we were split male/ female, so I wasn't taught about periods or any female contraception. How ridiculous is that?
Now I'm sat here thinking, I am not sure we were taught about consent either. I think it was just the "when a man loves a women". No mention of it being for fun, or that some people may do this with someone of the same gender. I believe this has changed in recent years, but not enough!
If you want some good examples of how to ask for consent and check in with your sex buddies see Laci's video at 1.20.
It's not just about asking for consent at the start, its also checking in "is that ok?", "do you like that?", "are you sure?". Importantly this is for everyone involved, not just for females. Males must be asked for their consent too.
On that note. Have you seen the 40 days and 40 nights movie? I remember being very confused the first time I watched that movie. Towards the end of the movie main character Matt is asleep and having a sexy dream on his 40th and final day of no sexual activity. While he is asleep his ex girlfriend breaks into his house and has sex with him. The movie (correct me if I'm wrong) goes on a line of Matt cheating on his current girlfriend. Errrmmm... do you see why I was confused? As a teen I don't think I knew exactly what was wrong, just that it was wrong. I didn't know, because male rape had never been spoken about, yet that is what I interpreted the film showing.
This for me is a prime example of how young people are being failed by education and our society. Like mental health, I am not saying everyone should share everything with everyone. But everyone should feel able to share their experiences and ask questions.
Back to checking. If you are trying different positions, check its ok with your sex buddy, keep talking and read their body language.
Have you ever been walking though a green open space, stood feeling the sun on you and thought I want to be hit by a rollercoaster, again and again, that'll be pleasurable? No? Funny, me either.
This next point is particularly relevant if you want to have sex with this buddy again. Talk afterwards. Ask what was good for you? Is there anything you would like to try thats different? Was there anything you weren't too keen on? If you're not going to have sex again, this information maybe less valuable, and potentially less suitable to ask if you're already booking the Uber out of there. But still, the tips may come in handy next time.
Sex is meant to be fun and enjoyable. It is a chance to live out fantasies and share yourself with other people. Make sure your lover(s) are enjoying the sex as much as you!