So yes, earlier this week I went to the toilet and realised that I couldn't see my dick. This was a bit of a wake up call for me. For a while now Ive been thinking I may need to do something a little different with my physical health. But crap this was scary for me. Like where has my dick gone? O, its under there...
There has been a gradual increase in my food intake and a gradual decrease in my exercise. This obviously is not great. I can come up with excuses but the truth is just that.
I am eating more and doing less. My mental health is balancing out more now, while there is usually a dark cloud over me, there are bits of sun coming through. So I don't feel like that is stopping me as such from doing more. I guess the lower self worth means I don't value myself as much, so I am not taking as much care of myself. Then in turn my body shape is changing which enforces the low mood and low self worth (maybe Im not that level, haha). I can't cross my legs at work because my trousers are too tight, most of my shirts are bulking at the fact they now have to contain my ever growing stomach. When I sit down I worry sometimes that a button may break and releaser the beast!
I have thought about my body before and worried about its appearance. Worried is not the right word... I guess its more Ive been disappointed with myself. This is a really good example of me being supportive, understanding and positive to other people and the complete opposite with myself. Its strange how my view can be so different just because its me, not someone else.
Anyway, back to my dick! I have since realised that my stomach isn't the only thing stopping me seeing my little jewish friend. My posture has gotten quite bad too. In fact, if I stand up straight and not hunched over pushing my belly out, I can see the wonder that is Mike's penis. Yay!
I have never really been one to weigh myself, so I do not feel this is a weight thing. Although I clearly weigh more now than I did before. I don't need scales to tell that.
To improve the way I feel about myself, as well as actual body I've made a small plan:
Continue with the weekly running and set a 3 mile minimum
Continue with walking as often as possible at work
Eat more veg
Eat less sweets
Eat less chips
Work out once a week 10 minutes minimum (not running)
Look into have a meal at lunchtime, then having a snack in the evening (Im a cheap ass, so this could be difficult)
I feel like Im not aiming for too much more than I already do. But Im hoping that that makes me do it, because its achievable right? I am happy to change this in a few weeks time and see how I go but for now, I know I need to start making changes.
While I would love to look like Zac Efron or Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, that just isn't going to happen. I could write for ages about how there is almost a silent pressure for males to look a certain way, with a 'traditional' expectation that the man is strong and muscly. A look that I think is very unlikely to be one I pull off. But I still feel a pressure to look a certain way and the way I look, or feel like I look, probably the way I look, is definitely not that.
As you can see I've done the very risky thing of posting an image of my body. I so can't believe I'm doing this. I want to delete it so bad. But, But! I feel like its important to show you what I am dealing with. While I could obviously do a fare bit to sort my body out. It is not that bad, I show this image, not just because of my body, but also my mind. Your mind can tell you horrible things about yourself and for the most part its so not true. I do need to make changes, but probably not as many as my mind tells me. Hopefully not at least.
While I want to make changes to improve the way I look, I feel its also because the changes will have a positive affect on my mental and physical health. I would like to feel 'better' about myself...more positive. I would like to not feel physically sick when I run short distances. I would like to fit my clothes (without buying bigger ones), I would like to feel good when I look in the mirror (both naked and clothed).
Heres hoping I can make a steady improvement in my health and fitness in the coming weeks and months.
If you have any body issues yourself, its possible like me you are thinking about your body way more than anyone else. Likely you not need to make as many changes as you think you do. Why not chat to a friend, just talk about your thoughts, thats a great start.
Also please talk to your GP before undertaking any radical changes in your diet.
I hope this post has been useful in some way to help you think about how we can view our view bodies. Its made me quite reflective. I still want to take that bloody photo down. I do have to say I have kept my bum out of the photo because my bum is ace, hahaha, and just like me, you can't see my dick either. Wait (looks for the 20th time), phew! No you can't.