Of course its in my head. Thats where my brain is!
This post is really about just feeling low I guess and not that great. I was meant to go to a friends birthday barbecue this evening, but even after a good morning where I've been outside, had a walk and achieved some of the days tasks. I still have ended up feeling like this.
I became emotional, teary, my hands started to shake and I even started to hit myself again. This time I wasn't really with any real force, which I guess should be some comfort. However it is still the case of an uncontrollable action which can be really scary, demoralising and humiliating.
Is this the horrible reality of what I have to look forward to when I have time alone, when I have time to think, or to reflect. Have I truly become unbalance? It is a scary thought.
Then again, is this realisation proof that there is a level of understanding, of an ability to deal with it all, to cope with what is going on. I suppose I still have hope.